Why Getting a Number (Still) Means Nothing
Back in the pre-internet / pre-e-mail days, getting a number meant nothing.
You had no other option but to ask for a woman’s number and unless she said “Actually, let me get your number” (which meant she didn’t like you, duh) you got a number.
I imagine it was much easier to give a guy your number and then just ignore his message when he rang then say ”No, sorry, not interested” (most women were never, ever that mean — to your face) or deliver the ‘no-let-me-get-yours’ salve.
It meant so little that when I got a woman’s number, I would wait a day or two, then call it, leave a message (on an answering machine!!!) and then immediately throw it in the trash so I wouldn’t bother her again (and so I wouldn’t be reminded of her / the rejection / be tempted to ring it again).
I say all this because until recently I would get really, really annoyed when I would exchange a bunch of promising e-mails with a woman online, ask for number, get it (often with an encouraging note to call), call it and then get blown off (no returned phone call).
I found this rude, especially when they could have just faded away / ignored me when I asked for their number. The medium’s perfect for that, unlike a face-to-face.
I would just imagine them listening to my message and then snorting in disgust and/or immediately deleting.
BUT ALL OF THAT WAS IN MY HEAD.
Then I realized I had my own dating rule floating around in my brain no one knew / could know about: “Women who don’t call you back after they give you their number on Match are rude, insincere, game players, not serious about finding someone” etc.
When I took myself out of the equation and stopped taking their unresponsiveness personally, I understood that getting the number still / just means nothing — the women are still in a state of PRE-INTEREST. I was putting much more weight on it than women are / do.
They might of have lost interest, didn’t like my voice, started dating someone else, Googled me when my name came up and found this public radio story I told about dating, got busy, meant to call me back but then a guy they liked more reached out, who freakin’ knows.
And like the El Paso girl once told me, “The right woman will think, ‘Whoa, whoa — I have to do everything in my power not to let David / this guy get away.”