The Myth of Funny
About a year ago, my Relationship Healer asked me something that made my mind feel like it was splitting in half.
“David, when did you feel / decide you needed to be funny instead of just . . . BEING?”
Once the room came back into focus, I could even point to an exact date, years earlier, right after a couple relationships crumbled back to back and my ego crumbled along with it.
And it was shortly after these emotional earthquakes, I decided I was going to be “The Funny Guy.” That was going to be my ‘way in’ with women and that’s what you hear all the time, right? Women want a funny guy, right? A man with a sense of humor, right?
It’s one of those myths you just latch on to as a child and it stays inside of you, telling you a lie that has nothing to do with the real world.
Looking back, when I met other girl’s boyfriends in college and in my 20′s (and later), they weren’t funny at all — in fact, they often tended to be the opposite, these hulking, monosyllabic lugs. Not only did these lugs not seem to be funny, they didn’t seem to have much charisma or social skills at all.
What they had was confidence, a grounded-ness, the essence of an immovable object – they probably didn’t take shit, maybe had a temper, probably didn’t court these girls with homemade gifts or flowers or letters in the mail — when they met them, they probably didn’t have a “like-me-love me-like me-please-please-please-do-you-like-me-now?” vibe which I had until, well, sadly, not that long ago.
They probably had masculine dads, older brothers, coaches, maybe was used to getting body-slammed during football games and knocked unconscious – maybe so getting turned down by a pretty girl didn’t seem that horrible or scary. Maybe they “walked it off” when they got rejected and didn’t give that rejection a second thought and moved on to another girl/game.
They probably had a purpose that wasn’t meeting women or making them laugh or wasn’t trying to fill a bottomless hole inside them with female approval.
If they got dumped by their girlfriend, they might have been annoyed about it for a few days, instead of letting it ruin (and taint) the next 5 to 10 years of their life.
You know who’s not funny? Brad Pitt, Michael Fassbender, Ryan Gosling, Steve McQueen, Don Draper. (admittedly, George Clooney and Alec Baldwin are).
And try and complete this sentence with the following: “OMG, I soooo want ______________________ to grab me, kiss me, throw me down on the bed and have his way with me.” (Mike Myers, Dana Carvey, Michael Cera, Ben Stiller, Seth Rogan, Jason Segal, Jonah Hill, Louis C.K., Chris Rock).