The Grand Gesture
The Grand Gesture. This is such a dating No-No.
And one I’ve been guilty of…many, many times. Even up to five years ago.
What is The Grand Gesture?
It’s when you demonstrate your interest in someone you barely know by doing something BIG and SHOWY to try and WIN THEM OVER.
But usually spooks the shit out of them instead.
Usually guys will buy something expensive and they think will “flip it” — way before it’s appropriate to be “gifting.” It’s usually jewelry, but it can be something they hand-made (guilty!) and mailed (double guilty) or left at their door or sent to their work (ahem, guilty again), or something unique based on the woman’s interest (“I know — I’ll get her favorite childhood book autographed by the dying author!” – ugh…guilty again). It can even be surprising her at a show she’s performing in. Even though we only had one date. And she didn’t want a second.
Something that screams, “I LIKE YOU SO MUCH — PLEASE LIKE ME BACK JUST AS MUCH!!!!! PLEASE!!!”
This comes from such a very needy and ‘masculine insecure’ place, it usually makes vaginas scared and sad for you.
But why does this happen if it’s so misguided and ineffective?
Movies and TV tell us it works. It doesn’t. Remember this asshole?
If this guy showed up at your house (you being the hottest girl in high school and this a weird outcast maybe with Aspergers who’s really into kick-boxing), you’d call the COPS. Seriously.
- An older rich guy tracked down a friend of mine who she had one date with and FED EX’ed her a diamond bracklet. With no return address. I helped her track down an office address to send it back to him. At 50, I was astounded that this guy still thinks this stupid “I’ll-Buy-and-Ambush-You-With-Shiny Thing,-You-Love-Me-Now” works.
- After a woman I was really into got a stomach ache on a date with me, I custom made a “First Date” first-aid kit with Pepto Bismol and some other trinkets and mailed it to her office.
Did she love it / the attention? TOTALLY.
Did it get me laid? OMG, NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Even a kiss? Not even fuckin’ close. Has she dated other guys and had sex and fuck buddies in the last five and half years since I did that? Oh, yeah. Would she have dated / had sex with me if I hadn’t tried to buy her affection with some stupid ‘I’m-Not-Enough’ gesture? Maybe. At least getting it on with me would have been in the realm of possibilities.
Once I offered TRINKETS instead of MANHOOD, I blew it.
Boys and Man-Boys, the Dating Daredevil says don’t do this.