My 2nd Date Philosophy
My 2nd date philosophy is a simple one: If they were attractive enough, nice enough, interesting enough (or interested in me), I’d ask them on a 2nd date. Maybe I wasn’t / I’m in LOVE, but thought/think that’s there’s a little something there, I initiate another get-together.
I like to give women a chance I think a lot of women don’t give me.
If I was bored or sensed they were bored or not interested or they weren’t cute enough, I wouldn’t / I don’t.
I have a feeling that women (ok, a generalization) don’t operate like this — if they didn’t feel butterflies or didn’t see you as their future husband during the coffee date or don’t see you ravaging them in bed, they don’t bother. Too many buses coming down the pike to bother with any one particular bus.
I did have a date about 2.5 years ago that went so well, I actually walked away thinking “hey, I think that girl will be my next girlfriend” and was absolutely dumbfounded when she didn’t go out with me again (she pulled the “2nd date shuffle” on me). About a year ago and wrote her and kindly asked her if she remembered me and that I was having a hard time getting 2nd dates if there was something I did that turned her off.
Her reply:
Honestly, I don’t remember that well. I know you didn’t say or do anything wrong – I would remember that. I think I was exhausted by dating at that point and a little bit burned out on the process. I was going on about three first dates a week and expecting some miracle or lightning bolt to happen on one of them. I rarely went on any 2nd dates – because I didn’t hear back from people or I was too tired to respond to someone – and eventually just cancelled my membership out of exhaustion.
Three dates a week? That’s even too much for me and I date pretty frequently.
January 19th, 2012 at 5:24 pm
I think this puts online dating into perspective. I think a lot of people think they should be bowled over with feelings on the first date. If they’re not overwhelmed with a cascade of giddy feelings after the date, they don’t accept or offer a second. Yet, the fact is, you have to go out a few times to get a sense of someone. Also, a lot of folks, like the woman you described here, date so much they are numb, so no trick, dance step or song your perform will get win them over.