17 minutes…and thanks for coming in.
I call a woman this AM — get the VM — she calls me back while I’m leaving a message…but she’s with a friend, on her bike and our few minute conversation was interrupted every 30 seconds by her talking to her friend, other bikers, random people on the street…I felt like I was joining her in an Old Navy commercial.
“So, what are you doing today?”
“well, I have to work on this — ”
“Make a left now!”
This is a real pet peeve of mine. I’m not your friend. You don’t know me. I’m try to make a good impression and get to know you and it’s hard when you’re on your cell and got ADD and I’m just another distraction.
But after about 6 minutes, she says she’ll call me back later.
***
She calls at 7 and it’s better. And she’s tells me about her friend’s lousy boyfriend. I give a brilliant assessment of the situation. She’s impressed. And laughs.
She asks me where I’m from. I say Philly. And then I lived in New York.
And she says “Manhattan?”
“Yes.”
“Well, we had a house in Long Island, then a house in Queens, then a house upstate, then a house in CT, then a house in________, and then a condo in Greenwich Village….”
“Wow. That’s a lot of houses.”
No laugh.
(We’re losing pressure, Captain.)
Then she corrects me on the difference between The High School for Performing Arts and Art And Music in NYC.
(Ship’s going down, Captain.)
She then volunteers that she was married when she moved to LA. And now divorced. And gave me short synopsis on her marriage and her ex’s professional failures (was a top chef for the studios and now cooks in a hospital) — she still sounded disappointed in his choices. “I saw potential in him he didn’t see himself.”
(I don’t like the sound and tone of this, Captain.)
“What about you?”
“What about me what?”
Silence.
“Oh, was I married? No, nope…”
More silence. More rope to hang me with. This is starting to feel like a bad job interview.
I very, very briefly talk about moving her for a woman and that didn’t work out.
“Then what?”
I get what’s happening — she’s trying to conduct a RELATIONSHIP AUTOPSY. This is not going to be pretty — either way — if I go into great detail or I avoid it. Either way I’m dead.
“Then I was with a girl from Italy and she had to move back for school and her family.”
Silence. Then:
HER: “Well, thanks for sharing that. I have to make dinner and have a lot of things to prep, so I got to go.”
ME: “Oh! Okay, then.
HER: See you later.
ME: Okay.
Time of death: 17 minutes and 20 seconds.
April 2nd, 2012 at 11:10 am
now that’s a good one!
April 2nd, 2012 at 12:00 pm
Anyone who doesn’t give you the respect of stopping what they are doing so they can chat with you, doesn’t deserve your time. Remember, we teach people how to treat us. So, next time some chick doesn’t give you her undivided attention, take back the upper hand, and tell her YOU will call her back at another time. (And then wait a week.)
Another take I had, on this very funny post, was that I didn’t think she was that into you. I mean, when I’m into a guy and I’m waiting for his call…I stop everything to ensure I get to speak with him. And shame on her for trying to size you up on your past relationship experiences. *TISK-TISK*
Good post!
April 2nd, 2012 at 12:11 pm
At the time I was a bit pissed about how she just CUT ME off like a newscaster cutting a live interview off, but the next morning I gotta say, she did what I didn’t / don’t have the balls to do — instead of searching for more common ground, desperately trying to repair a bad conversational connection, she just ripped the thing out of the wall with no apologies….
Yeah, I actually kept saying, “can I call you back”, but every time I did, SHE WAS TALKING TO SOMEONE ELSE and that just got lost. It was like an SNL skit.
There was a 27 year old girl recently who I called and caught at a bad time, but she acted soooooooooo annoyed and awkward and when I said, “Did I catch you at bad time?” She kept hemming and hawing and then I said, “It’s okay, really, you can tell me, I can call back later.” and finally she was like: “Um, can you like call back in an hour?”
I never called back. I kept thinking: Would my future wife act like that on OUR FIRST PHONE CALL?
April 2nd, 2012 at 12:14 pm
Yeah, I don’t like the RELATIONSHIP AUTOPSY. Especially within the first 15 minutes OF OUR FIRST CONVERSATION.
April 2nd, 2012 at 12:25 pm
A little peek into a woman’s psyche…we want the man to take control, so…my suggestion is that you don’t ask for permission to call back – you TELL them you are calling them back. Here are some examples I would have recommended you use:
“Apparently, this is a bad time for you, so let me call you back.”
“Oh, you’re going to bed? OK, let’s talk tomorrow.”
As my brother always says, “Ya gotta keep the upper hand, because people always want what they can’t have.”
Stop trying to be so nice and start taking charge of the conversation. I know, I know…we never want to be accused of being rude, but it’s not being rude. By taking charge, it shows confidence and that you have better things to do than to try to have a conversation with someone who clearly just wants attention.
April 2nd, 2012 at 12:34 pm
awesome advice. I am defin. going to try that.
Things / replies are on a romantic upswing. I think i am falling for 5’9 The Mayflower Girl. I think there’s something “real” there.
April 3rd, 2012 at 5:25 am
Ugh, I hate that when people attempt to talk to me, while with other people or doing other things. I always suggest they call me back or vice versa.
But your line about “Relationship Autopsy” is great. Love it!