This must happen to women all the time — men trying to sell them the romantic equivalent of The Brooklyn Bridge. You know, a proposal that feels a little hinky, a little off, pretty much a bad deal for anyone except the seller.
I’ve had a few of these offers in the last few months.
First, was the Mormon Girl — an adorable blond blue-eyed ex-Mormon I met at a BBQ this summer. On our first, fabulous date (she dressed up, was quite charmed by me), we had lunch when she sprung it on me that she “had a live-in boyfriend” (who she thought was gay) and was still married to her Mormon husband, but had broken up with him 5 years earlier.
(We started dating — well, getting intimate — when she said she started sleeping on the couch.)
But the problem was (well, one of them), she would not sleep over — or let her boyfriend know she was dating. And she lived an hour away. So I’d see her for 1/2 a day once a week. And then I found out that her and husband weren’t even separated and she couldn’t divorce him because “he was family.” Oh, and they hung out at his house EVERY EVENING. A piece of information I really could have used 7 weeks earlier.
So basically, she wanted to date me, but didn’t want to disrupt her “other life” (boyfriend / husband) — she wanted to live in the same house as the boyfriend, keep him the dark, hang out with her husband, keep him in the dark (he didn’t even know she lived with another man), wanted to sleep with me, but not sleep over — if you flipped the gender, I was basically The Mistress and my lover had a million excuses not to be with me for real (“What? I gotta leave my live in girlfriend? And move out? And move into an apartment? And divorce my ex wife who’s my ‘best friend’? Come on, that’s not fair to ask of me…”)
When I got upset about finding out about her husband’s daily hang outs and was bothered about she didn’t mention that at all in the 7 weeks we dated, she broke up with me (let the irony seep in like butter).
Then today, on Match.com, a GORGEOUS blond woman winks at me. Her screen-name was “BlondieAussie.”
Read her profile — she lives in Australia, but is here on holiday. And looking for an American guy. But has 2 kids. In Australia, I’m guessing. That she has “sometimes.” Which means there’s a dad Down Under. With joint custody.
So I e-mail her for clarification.
This is what comes back: “I love the states. If I made a connection with the right guy it would depend on what we both wanted to do. I would be happy to live in the states.
I have two daughters. 6 and 3 1/2. They are my shining stars. They came with me and had a blast. We stayed in Santa Monica and hung out in that area a lot. Getting to know a guy online is def not my preference however I am looking to find someone I connect with and if that is what it takes then so be it!”
So when I ask for even more clarity, regarding the kids and their dad and if she’s looking an American dude to move THERE (since there are two young kids involved), get this back:
OK so here it is – It is important for me and my career to keep moving forward and Sydney’s arts industry is very limited. I am looking to move OS. My sister, her husband, her son and now daughter are in LA and we are all very close so it seems like a good option.
I do have joint custody but I am the primary carer. Yes I would need a good reason to move permanently to the states and yes I would have to go through the legal system to do so. It may need planning but it is not impossible. OK it’s not as easy as picking up a Sydney guy in the local bar but I am not finding what I am looking for here so I am willing to make an effort to look further.
Okkkkkkkaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy…like I said, not much in it except for the seller.