I like dogs. I do. In fact, I miss my ex’s dog more than I miss her and wish I could have him 2 or 3 times a month.

That being said, bringing your dog to our date is kind of like bringing an unexpected (human) guest. A very unpredictable, skittish, distracting, attention-pulling guest.

I recently went on a date where she unexpectedly brought her dog — apparently she was trying to kill three birds with one stone — walking her dog / stopping for coffee and meeting me.

When I see her approach, she’s carrying a small plastic bag of poop which she needs to find a trash can for and then dashed inside the coffee shop to wash her hands while I hold the leash. Not a great visual / first encounter. (“Hi — nice to meet you — sorry I can’t shake your hand or hug you, I’m carrying shit in a bag.”)

The dog was huge — think Great Dane — and had two casts on its front legs from some mishap. Which made EVERY SINGLE PERSON who walked past to inquire what had happened (“Did your dog owe money to the mob?”), which interrupted our conversation probably every two minutes. So the strangers asked what happened, waited for answer, then offered some one-on-one consolation to the dog (“I’m so sorry, Pumpkin — I know, your legs will get better” in a baby-talk voice.)

Also, her dog WENT COMPLETELY APESHIT when any dog or skateboarder went past — she had to hold onto him with all her strength, scolding him loudly, while on his way dismember a small poodle and almost overturn our outside table.

Look, even on dates where I’m not attracted to the person, I try and make them feel special and it’s very hard to feel special when the other person’s distracted by their current, furry love.

My first girlfriend has a new puppy. She mentions it occasionally. It doesn’t seem to be the center of her world — a nice addition, but not the center. Maybe because she has a husband.

Online, especially on e-harmony, I’ve been coming across a lot of profiles where their dog/cat doesn’t come up once or twice, but sometimes in the answers to every question. (“Favorite book? A scrapbook I made about my dog! The person that has influenced you the most? I’d have to say my 3 kitties.” — note: these are actual answers I’ve come across)

Always try and see your profile / photos through a man’s eyes.

Especially when EVERY SINGLE photo you have has you holding your dog in it.

It doesn’t come off as cute – it comes off as co-dependent.

Also, I’d advise against getting a dog that is as big as you (or bigger than you) are. Or that might have a bigger dick than any guy you might date.

Or if you get professional pictures of you and your pet at Sears (see above), perhaps your relationship with your dog needs a long hard look…(that dog’s expression is begging for some space)