(I had asked this woman in the first 3 minutes of the phone conversation to stop putting her dishes away, which was drowning out our talk and then later I sincerely APOLOGIZED before we got off the phone for “scolding her about the dishes” and then she THANKED ME for telling her to stop because it “helped her stop spinning after a bad day.”) It was not a “belligerent tantrum” or an “outburst” — it was a bit snappy, admittedly.
then a few days later (this AM, I get this) — we had talked since this too (and she accepted a 2nd date from me a couple days later):
I wanted to let you know that I won’t be able to see you on Friday so that you can make other plans for your evening. I’ve been thinking about how your outburst during our first conversation on Monday made me feel and I realized I’m not looking forward to meeting you, in fact, I feel rather apprehensive about it. I shouldn’t have called you that night- I’d had too frantic a day and still hadn’t unpacked my groceries or made dinner for myself, and I was very hungry, but I wanted to give you the courtesy of returning your call in a timely manner, so I called you. I just wanted to have a brief conversation, but you had other plans, and you expected me to adhere to your rules and ideas about how the conversation should be, without regard to what my needs or feelings might have been at that moment. You threw a belligerent tantrum because you weren’t getti ng 100% of my attention and it rattled me so that I forgot myself. Later, I felt bad about myself for giving in to your pushiness, and for so swiftly putting my own needs aside- and for what? I don’t even know if I want to be your friend let alone lover or partner. I’ve spent YEARS of my life giving myself completely over to the needs of men who had NO reciprocal consideration toward me, and I’m VERY weary of it. Perhaps this was an isolated incident and you never would act this way again, but in my experience, men TELL you who they are right away by their behavior and the only fools are the women who don’t listen or who make excuses and pretend that men don’t mean what they are saying. So I’m sorry if you’re disappointed but I’d rather end our connection. I hope you understand.
I wish you the best of luck in your search on Match.
Archive for the ‘multi-tasking’ Category
There was a time you could meet women at an event, at a bar or a party or in line somewhere — you could harmlessly flirt or simply have small talk with them — hell, I even picked up a woman in an elevator in NYC in the mid-90′s — well, buddy, those days are over.
‘Cause the iPhone and cell phones in general are the new cockblock — every woman now has their head down in their phones — you can’t get in! You can’t make eye contact — you can’t make a connection.
I can’t compete with a handheld device that has all your good friends in it. I just can’t.
You want to meet a guy in real life? You have to be open, inviting…which means giving eye contact, a smile and it means putting the ‘iCockblocker’ down….
Here’s something that I’ve haven’t seen in any dating blogs or books — multi-tasking / distracted during that first phone call.
I’ve had a handful of first phone calls go straight into the shitter because the woman is clearly not focused on getting to know me / answering my questions because she’s…
- Calling me from the dog park (“Buster! Stop it! Buster! What? Hold on [to someone else now], it’s a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel — thank you! [back to me], I’m sorry, David, what did you — wait — Buster!“)
- At the airport, at the gate, about to board a plane (“Boarding Zones 1, 2 and any passengers with small children” blaring in the background)
- Pumping gas/shopping/ordering coffee
- Driving, clearly in a rush to get somewhere
- Driving their dog to the vet to get a chemo treatment (true story)
- Driving in bad rain
Then it seems like we don’t have chemistry than it is that she’s not focused and the conversation really suffers — there’s more awkward pauses, more short answers, more struggling for topics…
And many times, they’ve called me from these places, rather than me catching them at a bad time.
Or if I catch them at a bad time, they don’t take my “Did-I-catch-you-at-a-bad-time” window (“Take it! Take it!” I’m thinking, then she’s like “No, it’s fine…” in between small sobs while driving Muffin to get chemo)
The best 1st phone calls I’ve had are when they are at home, just focusing on the conversation, just focusing on me and me on them…