1. Profiles that start with “I never thought I’d be doing this, but…” — Neither did any of us, honey. No one grew up thinking they’d find Mr. Right / Mrs. Right by picking faces off of a screen.

2. Profiles that start with “OMG, I don’t know what to write, I’ve got 3000 characters left…man, I hate writing about myself…”

3. Profiles that start and finish with: “Will fill out later.”

4. You are your obsession / You want a mirror of yourself with a penis — A woman who has a million pictures of her and her dogs, wants to meet a dog rescuer like herself, her business is related to dog stuff — hey, maybe you should meet someone at your work. Or at the dog park. Or at the dog rescue place. Doesn’t have to be dogs — could be Bible/Lord/Jesus, horses, music obsessed, could be too into whatever they are into, so much so it’s exclusive.

5. I can spot you Russian girls a mile away — even just from the picture. You want a guy who is anywhere from 25 to 99, you are hot (but in a scary, cold way), you want to be treated like a “princess”, “spoiled”, you don’t care about guy’s height, your roots are showing through your bad blond dye job.

6. Your “long-shot”/at a distance picture MAKES A LOUSY, INEFFECTIVE MAIN PHOTO. It should be a close up of your face — not you sitting on a couch, not you climbing a mountain. When people search on match, you just see a thumbnail of the main photo and hence, your face is about as big as a pixel if you go the “long-shot” route.

THIS IS ALL THAT WAS ON THIS PROFILE:

Some ideas to make a date a good one:
Please don’t ask your date to do something only YOU will enjoy.
Please make a plan, set a time, show that this is at least a small priority to you. You signed up on Match, so you must care a little, right?
Please don’t ask your date to pick out flowers for a another girl, when you have never given her a flower. [This could also apply to other areas.]
Please be genuine and for the love of God~ be normal.
Most of all open your heart. There are fantastic people on here (I hold out hope) and everyone deserves happiness and chance to find someone great! ‘Tis better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all…

That said if you don’t know the difference between to, two, and too you need a dictionary- not a girlfriend.
If you have mother issues you need a therapist- not a girlfriend.
If you have financial issues you need Suzie Ormond- not a girlfriend.
If you have stability issues you need Dr. Phil- not a girlfriend.
If you have ED you need to sort it out before you have a girlfriend.

I would love to share all the wonderful things that life has to offer with someone fun, loyal, trustworthy, and down to earth. Maybe this is a lot to ask but I hold out hope that it is out there.